Your relationship baggage is not your fault. If someone treated you horribly in the past, it makes sense for you to be skeptical in your future relationships. However, you don’t want a bad breakup to ruin your future relationships. Here are some tips on how to overcome your baggage so your next relationship stays healthy:
Accept the mistakes that you’ve made in the past.
You can’t keep placing the blame on other people. Even if it’s someone else’s fault that you have trust issues or abandonment issues, you have to take responsibility for the mistakes those issues have caused you to make. You have to accept that you’re imperfect and that you don’t always get it right. You have to own up to your shit. If you keep pretending you don’t have any issues, then you’re never going to overcome them. The first step is being self-aware.
Give yourself the time and space you need to heal.
If you get out of a toxic relationship and jump straight into a new one, you might not be prepared to treat this person right. You might end up suspicious of them because of things that your last partner did to you. Sometimes, it’s best to take a short break from relationships, so you can fully heal from your heartbreak. If you’re still obsessed with loving (or hating) your ex, then you might not be able to give this new person a fair chance.
Remember your worth.
If your past has caused you to lose confidence, you need to work on self-love. If you think too little of yourself, then you might end up in another relationship where you aren’t being treated right. You need to recognize what you deserve so you never settle for someone beneath you. Even though anyone could get tricked into a toxic relationship, the more you learn to love yourself and stand up for yourself, the easier it will be to stay single until you find someone who really fits you.
Be open about your struggles.
If you shut out your future partners, they’re not going to understand certain behaviors. But if you fill them in on why you get so nervous when they hide their phone from you or come home from work later than they promised, then they can start to understand where you’re coming from and can make adjustments. You should never be embarrassed about your past. Anyone who can’t handle your history isn’t right for you. You should be with someone who respects and admires the fact that you’re trying to better yourself.
Put yourself out there again.
You can’t let your fear of history repeating itself convince you to stay locked in your shell. The only way you’re going to overcome your fears is by facing them. You need to get back in the dating world when you’re ready and give someone new a shot. It’s okay to keep your walls high at first, but once you find someone you can trust, remember that they’re not the same person who hurt you. Remember that your past is not their fault. Let yourself love. Yes, there’s a chance you’ll end up getting hurt again, but there’s also a chance you’ll find your happily ever after.