Luc Coiffat

2 Zodiac Signs That Cupid Will Curse This Year

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In Roman mythology, Cupid is the son of Venus (goddess of love) and Mars (the god of war). The name “Cupid” means “passionate desire.” He is depicted in statues as an angelic creature with wings, a bow, and a tiny penis. He uses his bow and arrow to strike people in the heart and make them fall in love. 

But some people don’t appreciate true love. Some selfish bastards are so full of themselves, their hearts don’t have room for anyone else. For those types, Cupid keeps a special stash of poison arrows he will use to teach them a lesson.

Here are two zodiac signs that Cupid will shoot with a poison arrow this year. It won’t kill them, but it won’t feel good, either. But maybe it will teach them to appreciate true love the next time it crosses their path.

1. Leo

You can roar all you want, Leo—yeah, yeah, we all know that you’re a fire sign ruled by the sun and represented by the Lion, but your ego is out of control and you’re so arrogant that it’s getting tiresome. No one wants to love someone who loves themselves this much. Don’t come whining to me later in the year when Cupid turns your attention to some egotistical asshole who’s even more selfish than you are. At first you’ll be smitten by them, but they will eventually call your bluff and break your heart. You may even wind up with a mysterious rash. It’ll suck for a while, but c’mon—someone needed to put you in your place.

2. Scorpio

You pride yourself on being the “dark” zodiac sign, the mysterious Evil One who emerges from the mist to steal hearts just like a graverobber snatches bodies. You protect your feelings with a hard and ugly exoskeleton, and if anyone tries to get too close, you fatally sting them with your tail. But how has all that been working out for you? For as tough as you like to pretend you are, we both know that you’re bitter and unhappy. Cupid is going to give you a taste of your own medicine this year. Someone absolutely wonderful will come along, gently pierce your shell, make you cry, and then leave. And when they’re gone for good, you’ll realize you were falling in love but didn’t deserve it. Oh, well. Better luck next time.