7 Concrete Signs You’re Looking At Relationships In The Wrong Way (And Need A Perspective Shift)

If you’re feeling dissatisfied in love in any way, then maybe it’s time you change your perspective on relationships. Here are some signs you’re looking at love in the wrong way:

You’re constantly comparing.

It’s so easy for us to compare ourselves to other people and other relationships. The grass is always greener. But you might be setting unrealistic expectations for yourself if you’re constantly comparing your relationship to others or you’re idealizing relationships that are portrayed in media. Every relationship is different. Every relationship has its good and bad qualities. You’ll only be dissatisfied if you keep up with this constant comparison.

You’re seeking perfection.

No one is perfect and no relationship is perfect either. To make a relationship work, you have to compromise, make an effort, and expect your partner and you to have flaws. If you’re focused on achieving a “perfect relationship”, you’re simply shooting for the stars. There’s beauty in the imperfections and growth — never forget that.

You’re overly dependent.

According to psychologists, codependency is “one-sided, casting one person in the role of constant caregiver.” Relying solely on your partner for happiness or a sense of purpose or feeling incomplete without a partner might indicate a fear of independence and codependency issues. A healthy relationship should enhance your life, not define it. You are not your relationship. Codependency is not love. Codependency is an attachment. It’s a means of filling a void.

You’re ignoring red flags.

You romanticize your partner and are deeply infatuated with them — which isn’t always a good thing. When you wear the rose-colored glasses, you can’t see the red flags. There’s a difference between flaws and red flags, and when you don’t notice the difference, you might overlook some important issues. It’s important to trust your instincts, listen to your friends if they notice the red flags, and address concerns rather than dismiss them.

You’re not taking personal responsibility.

Every relationship has its issues. Sometimes, it’s always one person who creates the mess. Other times, both partners are creating the mess.

Blaming your partner for all the issues in the relationship without considering whether or not you have a part in those issues can hinder your personal and relationship’s growth. Because, as mentioned before, no one is perfect. It’s important to take responsibility for your actions.

There’s a lack of boundaries.

Healthy relationships have boundaries. If you struggle to set boundaries, you might have a tendency to people-please. If you struggle to respect your partner’s boundaries or if your partner crosses your boundaries, it can lead you to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and disrespected.

You have unrealistic expectations.

There’s a difference between someone who gives you the bare minimum and someone who can’t meet your unrealistic, out-of-this-world expectations. You can expect and hope your partner gives you the love, respect, compassion, and affection you deserve. However, you can’t expect them to take you on extravagant trips or buy you expensive things if you know they can’t afford them.

You also can’t expect your partner to make you happy, because ultimately, your happiness should come from within. If you want to be happy and fulfilled, you have to do the inner work and find various sources of joy outside of the relationship. It’s simply unrealistic to have a partner who fulfills all your needs and makes you endlessly happy.