There’s A New Dating Trend Called ‘Cookie-Jarring’ (And It’s Toxic AF)

Just when you didn’t think modern dating could get any more toxic, it did. There’s a new dating trend called “cookie-jarring” and it seriously sucks.

Cookie-jarring is when someone has you on reserve in their “cookie jar” while they actively pursue a relationship with someone else. This means that they’ll still flirt with you, hook up, take you on dates, and text and call you regularly as if they want something serious with you even though they have no intention of ever locking it down.

The reason someone would cookie jar you is that they’re insecure. They keep you on the back burner just in case it doesn’t work out with the person they actually want a relationship with. Essentially, you’re functioning as loneliness insurance. They hit you up when the other party isn’t free, if they get rejected, or if they just want a quick confidence boost.

And the worst part is you usually have absolutely no clue you’re even in their cookie jar until it’s too late. This is because the person cookie-jarring you makes sure of it. They will weaponize ambiguity and aloofness. They will send mixed signals. They will be hot and cold. They will always be just a little out of reach. It will be exhausting.

While it is always difficult to confirm whether or not you’re being cookie-jarred, always remember indecision is a decision. If you feel like you have a precarious position in someone’s life, there’s probably a reason you feel that way. Trust your intuition. It’s there for a reason.

If you think you’re being cookie-jarred or found out you have been, please know you are not meant to be someone’s backup plan. You deserve better than being kept in the dark. You are not an option; you are the choice. And most importantly, while it hurts to be treated this way, remember that someone else’s insecurity is in no way a reflection of your worth.