Something happened to you and you buried it. You let it rot and fester in the pit of you. You let it make a home inside of you, not realizing how much space it really took up. What happened to you was not your fault, but healing from it it is your responsibility.
One day it will hit you out of nowhere. You will realize how agonizing it all was and you will remember how you coped, how you responded. You will feel sorry for yourself. You will feel angry for letting it become something inside of you, you will feel ashamed for ignoring it for so long. You will see what self-abandonment looks like, what loneliness feels like.
One day you will realize how you’re not ignoring it anymore — the hurt, the sadness, the trauma. You’re finally looking at it and letting yourself feel it all.
Don’t be surprised when some days feel heavier than others. It’s like pulling a stubborn weed from its roots. Give yourself the grace and the patience and the forgiveness you deserve — this is how you lift the hurt out of you.
This healing process will be a long one. A slow one. A debilitating, ugly, burdening one. So if you are still healing, that is okay. You will be okay.
Forgive yourself. Give yourself more grace.
One day it will hurt a lot less. But until then, keep feeling. With all the sadness, hurt, violation, frustration, defeat, anger, betrayal — feel it all. You can’t heal unless you do.