Zodiacs Ranked From Competitive AF To Super Chill

1. ARIES

(March 21 – April 19)

You are an alpha competitor who likes to ram through the competition as if you actually had two giant horns on your head designed to crush, shatter, and dominate. At its core, you see life as a struggle. The fact that you’re alive and reading this means that you were the one sperm who outraced the 100 million others in that life-or-death quest to reach the egg first, and you’ve never changed. In every situation where there’s anything to be gained or lost, you keep your eye on the golden egg, competition be damned. For you, everything besides first place might as well be last place.

2. LEO

(July 23 – August 22)

As king of the jungle, the Lion realizes that nature rewards competitors and treats cooperators like suckers. You prefer solo sports such as boxing and tennis to team sports, because every team has a weak link, whereas solo competitors have only themselves to blame if they lose. You’re not above engaging in a little bit of unsportsmanlike conduct so long as you come out on top. Some may even call you ruthless—and you have no problem with that, because who needs “ruth,” anyway? (By the way, what the hell is “ruth,” and why is it considered bad not to have it?) You are so competitive, you probably hate the fact that I ranked you in second place. 

3. CAPRICORN

(December 22 – January 19)

Passionate, driven, and determined, you are a self-motivated go-getter who savors the thrill of competition. You bask in the thrill of victory, and you despise the agony of defeat. At least you compete ethically, though. You follow in the mold of Wilt Chamberlain—who some consider the greatest basketball player of all time—who spent 14 years in the NBA but never fouled out of a game. He played to win, but he was careful not to cheat in the process. To you, winning by underhanded means is worse than losing honestly.

4. TAURUS

(April 20 – May 20)

You have an unquenchable desire to be top dog—or, in your case, top bull. When you’re “in it,” you’re in it to win it. When placed in any competitive environment, you approach it like both a blood sport and a science. You forsake all pleasures and focus on victory. You keenly judge your competitor’s strengths and weaknesses and will plot your strategy accordingly. You don’t wish your enemies harm, but if someone has to lose, let it be them.

5. SCORPIO

(October 23 – November 21)

You hate to lose—not that anyone really likes to lose, but you really really REALLY hate to lose. You’ve won and you’ve lost in life, and you can only conclude one thing—winning’s better. You don’t see anything wrong with cooperation, and you can often be found helping others even when there’s no personal gain for you merely because it’s the right thing to do. But when placed in a scenario where there will be clear winners and losers, you will do everything within your power to win. Once you set your eyes on the prize, there’s no stopping you.

6. VIRGO

(August 23 – September 22)

To you, life isn’t a game with winners and losers—life is meant to be savored and enjoyed to the max. Although you are not innately competitive, you will compete against anyone who’s maligned you, sought to harm you, or is making it clear that they intend to step on your neck to lift themselves above you. And though you’re not especially cooperative, you will band together with others in the service of any cause that you deem to be noble and worthwhile. You take things on a case-by-case basis, which is probably a wiser approach than either full-on combativeness or reflexively being nice.

7. GEMINI

(May 21 – June 20)

As the Twins, your dual nature means that you are both extremely competitive and extremely cooperative. You excel in tasks that require personal discipline and diligence. You also shine in tasks that require teamwork. Whether it’s a solo or team project, you give it your very last drop of blood, sweat, and tears. You are as competitive as Aries and as cooperative as Aquarius, so you could have easily wound up on the top or bottom of this list, which is why it’s almost an injustice that you wound up stuck here in the middle.

8. SAGITTARIUS

(November 22 – December 21)

Since you set your own standards and play by your own rules, you have absolutely no interest in competing with others. Instead, you compete with yourself. You have the rare ability to know your strengths and weaknesses, to honestly assess what you’re capable of doing and what’s simply beyond the scope of your talents and abilities. If you sense that you are selling yourself short or failing to reach your potential in any area, you will be as harsh on yourself as a drill sergeant at boot camp. You don’t exist to defeat anyone else—nor, necessarily, to lift them up—but you demand only the best from yourself.

9. LIBRA

(September 23 – October 22)

Your Scales tilt toward cooperation and away from competitiveness. You don’t mind playing a friendly game of touch football or competing for top prize down at Open Mic Night, but you simply don’t have that bloodthirsty drive to outperform and outshine others that defines the star signs who populate the top ranks on this list. You’d rather help others in the community with things such as house-raisings, blood drives, and charity walks. Achieving your personal best isn’t nearly as important to you as making life just a little bit better for everyone around you.

10. PISCES

(February 19 – March 20)

You are much-loved by everyone in every group setting you’ve ever found yourself in—whether at work or at play—because everyone knows you can be relied on for a warm smile, free advice, a helping hand, and to mend fences and reach amicable resolutions even among the more competitive star signs. Calling you a team player almost does you a disservice, because your talents would be better suited in the role of a coach. It’s not that you wouldn’t compete if your life depended on it, but you’re so easygoing that you realize there are very few situations that are truly life-or-death.

11. CANCER

(June 21 – July 22)

Unlike Capricorn, who approaches life like basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain—who set all kinds of individual scoring records and could singlehandedly outscore entire opposing teams but only wound up winning two championships—you are a dedicated team player like Bill Russell, who was never a very high scorer but whose selflessness earned his team a record 11 championships because he knew when to shoot and when to pass the ball. You are nurturing and loving and always willing to lend a helping hand.  You are, when all is said and done, a soft-shell Crab.

12. AQUARIUS

(January 19 – February 18)

You are all about reciprocity and symbiosis. As a member of the choir, you would much rather harmonize than sing a solo. You would rather share the spotlight—or avoid it entirely—than hog the spotlight while leaving anyone else in the dark. You see us all living on one big planet and everyone as members of the same human race. Therefore, to you, any form of competition goes against the noble and perfectly natural goal of us all moving together in tandem and helping out one another. To your mind, there’s nothing good about getting ahead if you wind up alone.