A situationship is considered to be a casual, undefined relationship that can actually be harder to define than you might realize. The reason you may not realize you’re in a situationship, as opposed to the beginning stages of a “real” relationship, is because modern dating culture has normalized not talking about how we feel (and what we want) in favor of “seeing where things go.”
While you should absolutely take the time to assess whether someone is right to commit to, there also comes a point when you need to figure out if you’re simply spinning your wheels. AKA it’s been three months, there are no talks of a future, and you have no idea what his BFF Tim even looks like because he refuses to bring you around his friends.
Here are seven signs you’re in a situationship (and that it most likely won’t become something more).
1. It’s been two to three months but you are still afraid to bring up defining the relationship.
You haven’t defined the relationship, despite the fact it’s been several months, because you still don’t feel safe to do so. If you’re being honest with yourself, you feel uncomfortable even initiating the conversation about what the two of you are because you know it would most likely mean losing them altogether. In your mind, this is better than not having them in your life at all.
2. You feel anxious about where you stand with them.
On a related note to fear of defining the relationship, you constantly feel on edge, anxious, and bummed out when you think about what you may mean to them because you’re aware (even if it’s on a deep down, sub-conscious level) that your position in their life is precarious at best.
3. You have fun together but there isn’t much emotional depth to the relationship.
You have a blast together, but you wouldn’t call them with a crisis or even a slight issue because that’s just not the kind of dynamic the two of you share. While good sex, chemistry, flirting, and fun are all great (and important), so is being able to divulge your feelings (such as the ones you’re developing for them).
4. Plans are almost always made at the last minute.
There’s no romance when you spend time together. There is no planning of romantic outings or getaways. Everything is planned at the last minute, when nothing else has come up and it’s totally, 100 percent convenient.
5. They haven’t introduced you to their friends (even though they’ve met yours).
They have made zero effort to integrate you into their social circle. In fact, it seems the effort they have made is keeping your thing separate from the rest of their life. This could potentially mean they don’t see you as becoming part of their life long-term, so they don’t want to involve you in the people they do see sticking around. Speaking of the future…
6. There are no discussions about the future.
Like, zero. Nothing about long-term plans outside of the relationship either. This is a red flag that this is a situationship because even future plans outside of relationship specifics (i.e. their next job, where they may want to live outside of your current city, etc.) would affect you if you were still around when said future events occurred. If they aren’t considering how those things would impact you, it’s because they most likely don’t see you in their future, so there is no reason to bring it up.
7. You don’t use your dating apps but you also haven’t paused them “just in case.”
The “just in case” being “this thing with Todd doesn’t work out.” You also have one foot out the door, meaning you’re just as detached in a way as they are.
While situationships can be healthy, navigating one requires both parties to be open, communicative, and honest with one another about what you want and what you’re looking for.
If you don’t know where you stand, ask (even if you don’t think you’ll like the answer). And, honestly, who knows; maybe they’ve just been as scared as you.
There’s only one way to find out.