An Open Letter To Addiction

Dear addiction,

You stole everything from me. You stole my smile, my health, my laughter, my jokes, and most of all, my heart. You took everything I had and you threw it away like it never existed. I’m taking it all back now with every ounce of strength I have left. I’m learning how to love myself sober and be a better version of myself because before I hated who I was. I thought I was happy, but in reality, it was just you sucking me in deeper. It was a spiral effect that left me damaged. I couldn’t feel happiness unless I was with you, intertwined like the devil. I lost friends, money, and respect. I didn’t care what happened to me or what I went through, all I cared about was you. Yet all you cared about was killing me slowly. I left my morals at the gates to hell, which is you, and gave everything up that got in my way to be with you. There are days I wanted better for myself, but you always told me I wouldn’t amount to shit. So, I kept picking you up and trusting that you would help guide me in the right direction. All you did was guide me to a place of no return. Until I got help and realized that I can return. I can return stronger than I was before and I can kick your ass.

If I’m going to be honest, some days are harder than others in sobriety. Some days I still want you and I reminisce on the time we spent together. But I now know that those days weren’t worth it. They weren’t worth losing myself to. If there’s one thing that I can thank you for, it’s that you gave me the ability to never judge anyone else because I’ve now been through it and I understand. The stigma disgusts me. Yes, I was an addict. I still am an addict, but I now learn how to cope and control it to the best of my ability in ways that you can’t take from me now. I will continue to build my castle with happiness and joy and I won’t ever let you in again. You are not welcome anymore. You will be a past enemy, not a mistake but an enemy. I was meant to go through what I went through with you, but I will never have to do it again. I will stand tall and proud that I have made it out and I’ll do anything that I can to help others see the light.

You don’t own me anymore and I don’t owe you anything. I am me again. And that’s enough. 

Yours truly, 

Your ex user