Barbara Zandoval

An Open Letter To Those Who Self-Sabotage Relationships

I understand you want to be cautious. Your heart is something that should not be played with, but you are not a psychic. There is not a way to see how the future will unfold– not until we get there.

Perhaps you don’t realize when you’ve self sabotaged. To you, you are acting on your prediction of what is going to happen and it gives you the illusion of self-control. This is preventing yourself from experiencing opportunities or relationships that could have unfolded wonderfully. I am sorry if your self sabotage is a result of your traumas, but not everyone you meet will be the same as what you’ve previously encountered. Good people with good intentions do exist, or at least that is what I choose to believe. 

Sometimes the person we need to watch out for is ourselves. Don’t let your fear of commitment ruin a good thing. Self sabotaging sometimes gives us the illusion we are our own hero; saving ourselves from potentially getting heartbroken. If green flags exist in this relationship yet you’re already planning on walking away, then maybe you’re letting your fear of commitment win. Or perhaps there are low self esteem issues to unpack. 

A healthy relationship will not strip you away from your independence. A healthy relationship should add value to your life. Please take time to love yourself. Truly learn how you love and want to receive love. This way when someone does come into your life you know how you deserve to be treated. 

When you find yourself in a relationship you absolutely love, but you sense your self sabotaging tendencies emerging, you will be able to identify them and teach your mind how not to act on them. 
It’s okay to trust and open up.