Toni Ferreira

Dear Younger Self: I Promise It Gets Better

For a very long time, I have left you all alone. I have neglected and overlooked your needs because nobody came whenever we needed saving. I am so sorry for treating you poorly and for not realizing sooner that it’s just you and me; actually, it’s been you and me since the very beginning. 

I should have protected you from the harshness that this world gives. You didn’t deserve any of that. I know it’s going to take a lot of time for us to be and feel whole and alive again, but I want you to know that I am not giving up on you ever again. No matter what happens, we will keep fighting. Because just like any other person in this world, we deserve to be here. 

We deserve to be alive, to experience life—the good, the bad, and the messiness of it all because we have a purpose. I know you are tired and beaten down by all negative experiences, but whenever you feel down and feel like you can’t go on, know that I am and will forever be grateful to you for being with me and for sticking up for me—from the beginning until the end. Whenever you have doubts, you know me best. Whenever you feel scared and sense that something is not right, you keep me safe even when your judgment is clouded at times. 

One day, all of this—the pain, the anger, the loneliness—will all fade away. Yes, there will be days when you will be reminded of it, and when you do, gently remind yourself that those chapters are over and we’ve made it through. You may not see all of the hope and good from all of the darkness that’s surrounding you right now, but when the time comes that you are no longer that person you thought you should be or what the world tells you should be, I want you to be happy, to be proud, and to celebrate that we did this, because we didn’t give up. And never we shall.