Andres Ayrton

If He Won’t Commit To You Right Away, He Never Will

Three months. That is the absolute maximum amount of time you should invest in a man before calling it. Three months is all it should take to know if he’s in it for the long run (or just stringing you along).

Because here’s a tough but liberating truth: most men will know whether or not they want to date you exclusively pretty much…immediately. It won’t take five months or even a year for him to make up his mind.

While it may take some time to actually define the relationship, he knew you were someone he wanted something serious with pretty much the moment you met for drinks on your first date. And after that initial meeting, if he’s into you, he will make it clear that he wants to be with you. You won’t feel confused because his actions will align with his words. He will plan dates. He will communicate clearly. And he’ll act like he gives a shit because he actually does.

If that seems too simple, that’s because it is. It’s the narratives (read: excuses) we apply to dating scenarios that make it difficult for us to discern whether a guy we’re seeing is worth investing our time in.

For example, maybe he just got out of a long-term relationship and “just needs time.” Or maybe he isn’t ready to commit “right now” but likes where the two of you are at. So you wait. You give him the time he claims he needs. And before you know it, six months have passed and you still don’t feel like you know where you stand with him and what direction you’re headed in.

Don’t end up in an endless situationship. Because he has the information he needs and is getting the benefits of dating you without actually…committing to you. Don’t do that to yourself.

Because the thing about the guy who doesn’t want to commit “right away” is that he doesn’t want to settle down with you. Because if he did want you, he wouldn’t risk losing you by delaying commitment.

If he doesn’t commit to you right away, he never will. Because if he wanted to, he would. Life is too short to waste time on men who only waste yours. Let him go.