If You Want To Find Lasting Love, Never Do These 7 Things

You know the love we’re talking about. You likely know some adorable older couple who had a rom-com-worthy meet cute when they were 20 and now still love each other at 80 as if it were day one. That kind of lasting love is possible, but you may be getting in your own way when it comes to finding it. If you want a soulmate, never do these seven things.

Never ignore your gut instinct.

If something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t right. Women are often culturally conditioned to ignore our instincts in favor of giving people chance after chance. All that does is allow you to get hurt over and over. If you’re with someone who’s soulmate material, they won’t set off alarm bells–it’ll just feel right.

Never listen to your toxic friends.

So many otherwise amazing relationships have been ruined thanks to the poisonous words of toxic friends. They chirp in your ear that you deserve better, just to tear you down. They concoct elaborate schemes to “test” your relationship. They walk around your partner in their underwear because they’re “just more comfortable that way.” It’s the toxic friends that you need to watch out for.

Never stay in a relationship that isn’t working.

While even the best relationships have their ups and downs, the good things should still vastly outnumber the bad. If you’re spending all your energy trying to make a failing relationship work, you might miss out on an opportunity to find someone better. Remember: Being alone is better than being in a bad relationship. (And don’t fall for the sunk-cost fallacy.)

Never try to change your partner.

“He’d be perfect if only he’d…” When you enter a relationship, you’re agreeing to take the person as they are. If the only way to make this love long-lasting is to try to mold someone into who you want them to be, it’ll never work.

Never be with a partner who wants to change you.

Conversely, you should find someone who likes you just as you are–all your little flaws and quirks included. If it’s a soulmate kind of love, you’ll feel comfortable being yourself, and you won’t have to hide parts of you to keep your partner around. It’ll just work.

Never try to excuse bad behavior.

When you’re in the beginning stages of a relationship, you’ll often excuse your partner’s bad behavior when others bring it up. It’s those rose-colored glasses keeping you from seeing a potentially dangerous situation. You’ll say, “Well, he doesn’t mean it,” or “Really, he’s usually so sweet.” If you feel yourself coming up with excuses when outsiders question your relationship, use that as a wakeup call.

Never try to force a lasting love if it’s not there.

You want a storybook kind of love, something that other people hold up as an example of the ideal relationship. Ignore that urge to force it when it isn’t there. Don’t shoehorn an “okay” relationship to fit the narrative you have in your head. If it’s not right, it’s not right. All you’re doing is prolonging the inevitable.