Modern Dating Is Making Us All F*cking Cowards (And We Need To Do Better)

The way we date now is beyond exhausting. Because we don’t really date at all, not really.

Instead, we ask someone we want to date to “hang out” because calling it a date is way too intimate and leaves us feeling more vulnerable than we already feel. But we can’t actually be open about what we want, because admitting we want a relationship makes us seem desperate, even though we met the other person on a motherfucking dating app, where that is the LITERAL point.

At least that used to be the point. Because we don’t date anymore, not really.

Instead, we agree to hang out even though those hangouts consist of sex and making out and having deep conversations and going out to dinner and falling asleep next to each other slowly. But when someone asks what our relationship is to this person, we deflect and say something along the lines of, “Oh, we’re just talking.”

Because we don’t date anymore, not really. Instead, we “talk.” But we don’t say much of the truth, especially not to each other. Instead, we play games, games that no one seems to have the rulebook for but we all somehow still know the rules.

We have formulas for determining the correct amount of time for texting back and guidelines for when we’re allowed to see them again. The only thing we don’t have a clear understanding of is how one wins these games.

But maybe in the game of modern dating, everyone loses. Because when we play by its rules, we will either end up alone or in situationships where we’re just as lonely, if not more so.

The solution, of course, is simple enough: Throw out the game and rewrite the rules. Stop engaging with it altogether and finally start saying how we really feel, not just saying what we think will make us look the coolest, most detached, and lowest-maintenance. Start being willing to bear the sting of rejection because we know that each time only brings us closer to finding the love we want. Start actually saying we want love at all.

But we don’t do that. We all claim to hate modern dating and hookup culture so we should be on board to start over, right? So why haven’t we?

In short? Because modern dating has made us fucking cowards.

We’re all so damaged from hurting one another and ourselves that we’re afraid of putting our hearts on the line at all. We fear we don’t have anything left to give so we don’t. We truly believe that this is the way it has to be because we haven’t known anything different.

We need to do better. We need to dig deep and find the courage to date like we want to find someone to love, not just someone to shoot the shit with for a few weeks before ghosting or being ghosted.

We need to give love a chance.

Be unchill. Say what you want. Stop settling for the bare minimum. Quit chasing people who don’t care to be caught. And sure, this might mean looking clingy to some people. This might mean getting turned down more often. This might mean looking weird to dates who don’t get it. But it honestly doesn’t matter. Because those aren’t the people who are meant for you anyway. But it will help you find the right person.

You just need to be brave enough to try.