He is an active listener. He doesn’t just wait for his turn to speak or to give you his opinion. Instead, he gives you the floor, makes solid eye contact, and asks follow-up questions. He is sincerely interested in the things you have to say.
He is a solid communicator. He is open and honest. He tells you what he is feeling, what he isn’t feeling, and generally just knows how to express himself in an appropriate way.
He isn’t afraid of embracing “girly” things. For example, he isn’t against fruity cocktails or showering on a regular basis. He is secure enough in his masculinity that he doesn’t act above things that are usually associated with femininity.
He doesn’t always need to be right. In fact, he owns it when he screws up or is flat-out wrong about something. He takes accountability for his mistakes. He owns up to it when he falls short and takes the necessary steps to do better next time.
He is kind to those who work in the service industry.
He is good with kids. Even if you both don’t want children yourselves, being kind to kids is a massive green flag. It shows he has empathy and patience.
He asks for your advice. And then actually takes it seriously.
He is a good “buffer” person. This means that he can hold his own when you take him to family events or work parties or to meet your friends for happy hour. He is engaging with those around him and is sincerely interested in other people.
He has a solid group of friends he has been friends with for years.
He’s the first person you want to share your good news with. And your bad news. And basically any news you have at all, really.
He genuinely wants to know your friends and family. He makes an effort to ask you how they’re doing. He is friendly and engaging when he sees them and remembers the little things they’ve told him in the past. He truly cares about them because you do.
He is passionate about something. Anything! Art, movies, music, a nerdy hobby, human rights. Whatever it is, he pursues it with fervor.
He gets excited about the little things.
He doesn’t get weird about crying. He comforts you when you cry. He doesn’t turn away or get uncomfortable. And he isn’t afraid to cry himself.
He goes beyond the bare minimum. He puts in the work necessary to make your relationship flourish.
He is consistent. He doesn’t leave you guessing about what time he’ll be home or what mood he’ll be in on a given day or even a given moment. He is consistent and stable.
He is in therapy. Or at least open to (and about) mental health care.
He makes you feel good about yourself. You feel beautiful around him. In fact, he is your biggest hype man. He is always talking you up and letting you know how attractive and wonderful he finds you.
He reads. Bonus points if some of those books were by women.
He respects your boundaries. He also has his own boundaries, too.
He doesn’t talk shit about his exes. This shows he has processed the end of these relationships in a healthy manner and has completely moved on.
He’s able to laugh at himself. He has a good sense of humor and doesn’t take himself too seriously.
You feel safe around him.
He takes care of himself.
He knows how to fight right. Arguments are going to happen in relationships. This is a fact. But when the two of you fight, he doesn’t resort to belittling or namecalling or stonewalling. Instead, he focuses on the goal of resolution. And if he needs time to cool off, he asks for it.
He loves animals.
He is protective but not possessive. There is a strong difference between the two.
If he has a sister, he has a positive relationship with her.
He validates your feelings.
You have fun doing absolutely nothing together.
He is focused on personal growth. He embraces the fact that he is forever a work in progress. He enjoys the process and is always working to improve himself.
He is open to constructive criticism. He doesn’t get defensive or dig his heels in. Instead, he listens and takes what is being said into consideration.
He takes his job seriously. Whatever he does, he does it well.
You have compatible values.
He is someone you’d want in your life, even if it was only platonic. He is your best friend.
