The Zodiacs Ranked By Who Makes A Better Friend Than A Lover
1. SAGITTARIUS
(November 22 – December 21)
Incredibly pragmatic and loyal, Sagittarius will be the one friend with whom you can share your darkest secrets. They are also that one friend you can call to come pick you up after you drunkenly drove your car into a swamp. And if you’ve already been handcuffed and whisked away to jail by the time they arrive at the swamp, they’ll drive to jail and drain their life’s savings to bail you out. But their firm sense of realism makes it very hard for them to be romantic. They are too logical and self-centered to believe in love. Thus, they place far more emphasis on lifelong friendships than on everlasting love. They are especially cynical about the idea of undying love with one person. But even though they’re the best friend you could ever wish for, they won’t ever admit to you that the reason they’re cynical about love is, well, because some cruel bastard broke their heart a long, long time ago.
2. AQUARIUS
(January 20 – February 18)
As loyal as a grizzled old hound dog, Aquarians have never met a stranger. Even if you’re just meeting them, they’ll act like they’ve missed you every day for the past ten years and have been waiting by the window for you to return. They’re exceedingly friendly—some would say too friendly—because they’re willing to believe the best about anyone. Although they’re great friends, they are also introverts and will sometimes require some “alone” time, but you can trust them never to be mean to you and never to lie to you to spare your feelings. On the “pragmatic/romantic” continuum, they tilt strongly toward pragmatism. Self-love is more important to them than romantic love. They would rather help you with money and advice than a kiss. And when it comes to romance, let’s be real for a moment—hardly anyone wants to have sex with a grizzled old hound dog.
3. VIRGO
(August 23 – September 22)
Virgos can be such good friends, they can often sense—and articulate—your needs better than you can. They may not have a lot of friends, but the ones they have are solid gold. They are a little too wary of human nature to be willing to open up their hearts and risk being crushed. They think love is something for movies and songs but not real life. Family is paramount to them, because although someone can stop being your lover, they will always be your sister or brother. They are not shy about expressing their needs, which can come off a little domineering to a lover. Then again, Virgins aren’t supposed to be lovers anyway…right?
4. CAPRICORN
(December 22 – January 19)
Extremely realistic, Capricorns are not exactly what you’d call “fun-loving.” They may not be the best friends in the zodiac, but they definitely are not the best lovers—especially if they’ve ever had their heart broken. You will find it almost impossible to break through all the protective scar tissue they’ve built around their heart. They express love through friendship. It’s not as if they don’t enjoy sex, but they see it as entirely different from romantic love. Nine times out of ten, they’d choose great sex over hearing the words “I love you.” They are a bit hard to get to know either as friends or lovers and will vigilantly protect their career, their assets, and their heart. They have a very strong gag reflex regarding sappy love songs and aggressive public displays of affection. But on the rare occasions that they do fall in love, watch out—it’s like they’ve fallen over a cliff.
5. CANCER
(June 21 – July 22)
Touchy and guarded, Cancers don’t really shine as friends or lovers. A bit needy and selfish, they tend to take more than they give in both friendships and romance. They are also extremely quick to take offense, which means they often wind up alone on weekends and holidays, watching movies and eating ice cream in their pajamas. Although they tend to crave love and aren’t above requiring an entire box of tissues to get through a romantic comedy, it’s their fundamentally crabby nature that makes it impossible for them to find lovers willing to stick around for the long haul.
6. ARIES
(March 21 – April 19)
Outgoing and gregarious, Aries have no trouble finding friends or lovers. But since they’re also fickle and adventurous, they have no trouble casting aside people like yesterday’s disposable waste. They tend to be more interested in themselves than in anyone else. They prefer to pursue lovers than to be pursued. But once they’ve captured their prey, they grow quickly bored and start plotting their next romantic safari. They’re very demanding, which can be difficult unless you enjoy being a doormat. They also don’t hold back on expressing what they really think, whether or not it hurts you right down to the molten core of your being.
7. GEMINI
(May 21 – June 20)
Easily the most infuriating of the zodiac signs, because you never know which twin you’re going to get on any given day. One day, they can be the best friend and lover you could have ever prayed for. The next, they can act like they’ve never even met you. They’re Geminis. This is in their nature. When they focus their love or friendship on you, it’s with laser-like intensity. But they make friends as quickly as they lose them and fall in love as quickly as they lose interest. They have a wild side that will never be tamed and almost think it’s “edgy” to betray people. They love the excitement of a one-night stand far more than the calmness of a lifelong commitment. They are suitable as BFFs or lovers only if you crave unpredictability.
8. LEO
(July 23 – August 22)
Leos are a bit…flighty?…mercurial?…tempestuous?…moody? And this doesn’t usually make for lasting friendships or romances. A lion can protect you, but it can also bite off your head. But c’mon, now—you don’t become King of the Jungle by being bad in bed. Their friends will usually see their angry and disagreeable side far more than their lovers. Despite their fearsome presence, Leos love adventure and romance. They even love finding little Post-It love notes on their computer in the morning. But the Lion always comes first; all the rest of the jungle creatures, whether friends or lovers, take second place.
9. TAURUS
(April 20 – May 20)
The most introverted of the star signs, the Bull is very reluctant to make themselves vulnerable to either friends or lovers. But if you can somehow swing your red matador’s cape with enough finesse to get past the bull’s horns without being fatally gored, you’ll find one of the most loyal and passionate lovers in the zodiac. If you are lucky enough to gain their affection, it will be a gift that never stops giving. They are very attentive to their lovers’ emotional needs and physical desires. When they find their One True Love, they shut out the rest of the world.
10. LIBRA
(September 23 – October 22)
Easygoing by nature, Libras effortlessly make friends. But this means they also take their friendships lightly and put zero effort into them. It’s in romance where they place all the effort. With Libras, the scales tip heavily in the direction of romance over friendship. They thrive on approval no matter whether it comes from friends or lovers, but they can absolutely not live a day without love. They realize that it’s easy to make friends but sometimes nigh impossible to find true love. The fact that they are trustworthy confidantes is what makes them such good friends. But when they fall in love, all their friends should expect to be ghosted. They are such hopeless romantics, they will stick with a lover who proves to be hopeless.
11. SCORPIO
(October 23 – November 21)
Due to their highly emotional nature and sensitivity to the mildest imagined slight, Scorpios are generally shy and guarded—one might say they’re even a wee bit paranoid. This makes it difficult for them to have fun at parties or any social gathering where gregariousness is an asset. It also makes it difficult for them to find and secure a wide array of friends. But they believe in soulmates and will travel barefoot across hot coals to be with their beloved. They can have their heart broken a dozen times and still come back seeking true, pure love as if they’d never been hurt. They will blow your mind not only by remembering every birthday and anniversary and what your favorite foods and movies are, they’ll burn the candle deep into the night seeking to find new things to please and amaze you.
12. PISCES
(February 19 – March 20)
Pisces are the world’s most passionate lovers. They will do everything in their power to win your heart and satisfy your desires. But they view friends almost as disposable assets. They tend to cut and run the minute a friendship demands effort. But they would grab a shovel and dig to the other side of the world if you told them their one true love was waiting there. And once they find true love, they will take romance to the grave…and beyond. From here to eternity. Ride or die. One and done.