What I Learned When I Quit Social Media

Social media—we love it, we hate it, we can’t live without it. I recently quit all social media for a month; here’s what I learned.

When I decided to quit social media, I thought it would be a permanent change. Being the cautious person I am, however, I disabled all my accounts instead of completely deleting them—just in case. To me, social media has always been a place of inspiration. I am not much of a sharer as a private person, but I enjoyed the lure and the voyeur-ness I got from scrolling everything from writing advice to fashion to home decor. It has also been a main way I keep up with friends and acquaintances through the years of high school and then college and now 20-something adulthood.

Over the past year, I found my enjoyment of social media greatly decreasing. The pandemic, political upheaval, world events, and the general languishing of so many young people left me feeling drained by social media rather than inspired. Pair that sense of doom-scrolling with a sprinkle of “why can’t my life be more like that” that is so often the result of too much clicking around, I wanted nothing to do with social media. I already had to be on it for my day job; why spend my free time, my sacred hours to myself, looking at an inches-wide screen? It felt wasteful and like something I’d regret in years to come. The final straw came when I was watching the stories of a once-beloved influencer admitting to the camera that she felt like her life was slipping by while she pinged away on her Instagram feed and tried to come up with ways for more people to like her, to follow her. It’s all just consumption.

And to me, it seems like this a general consensus. More people are feeling like social media is not a safe place, it is somewhere others go to complain and harass and still try to make their lives look better than everyone else’s. I was through. I didn’t want to look up in 10 years, in 20 years, and realize I’d neglected everyone and everything in my real life for the sake of the scroll. Not to mention the addiction, the magnetic pull, of the gratification. What is looking at ourselves and others constantly doing to our minds, our mental health?

During my month off the networks, I felt free in a way. It was nice to feel like I was a real person, and not someone trying to pose for the camera or watch how others were posing. I read more, I watched more television, I felt more present during my work and my social time and my time with family. I wasn’t reaching for my phone at every second of every day that wasn’t filled with some other activity. I also liked the air of mystery. Why do we feel like we need to share what we do every second? Are our lives that interesting? I wanted to focus on making my life interesting to me. I didn’t want to lose the sense of who I was and what I liked at the cost of doing what others expected. It’s childish and vain.

Despite these new musings, I started to miss those things I’d originally clung to social media for. The beauty, the art, catching up with friends. We live in a modern world, after all, and I couldn’t help but worry what being off the grid would do to my professional career as well. I felt certain there had to be some way to achieve balance and have my social media cake and eat it too. So I committed myself to getting back on social media, yes, but doing it differently this time. I went through who I followed on every network, unfollowing every. single. account. that did not spark joy for me. If I hadn’t talked to that person in the last couple of years? Goodbye. If I felt like a certain account’s content was no longer serving me? Adieu. I edited and honed in on those accounts that served me, so I would no longer be a scroll servant to them.

Since then, I have found my experience to be much more positive and fruitful. In addition to cultivating my feeds, I also set time limits on every network, 30 minutes a day. For me, this is plenty of time to get the content I need to make my brain feel happy and give me a good dose of serotonin, but it’s not enough to make me feel drained or wasteful. I never start the day by scrolling or end the day by scrolling. It is, now, rather, a break in my busy workday or something to do while I wait in line. I do not pick up my phone while talking to loved ones or watching something. I control my phone and my social media accounts and I no longer feel like they control me.

Altogether, I have learned that social media should be something of a joy-bringer to our lives. If it is causing negativity or distress in your life, it is time to reevaluate how you are consuming content. I think taking breaks frequently and often, along with a routine audit of what your follow interests are, is so essential to striking that right balance. And more than anything, never forgo your real life for that life on the internet. What is on the screen is fleeting, it is ephemeral. It could disappear in an instant and be gone forever. The life you truly live, the life that is not spent on a device, that is what will linger. The way you treat others and pour yourself into the things and people you love, that will last.

Social media is a fun way to share your ideas and interests with others, but it is not your purpose; it is, rather, a tool to share your purpose with others that care. Don’t let it be more than that.