“Realize that if a door closed, it’s because what was behind it wasn’t meant for you.” ― Mandy Hale
With just a few boxes at their feet, her heart filled with untold emotions, he kissed her forehead one last time. She couldn’t bear to watch how he easily left behind a life with her. A life that was not yet complete.
He was her love story.
She left her heart there at the door. Bottled up her emotions, laced up her shoes, and went for a run so she could avoid watching him go. She realized in that moment she could only run to herself because he was no longer her safe place. There was nothing he could tell her to come back to him emotionally. The ties slowly deteriorated throughout the years, and there was no mending at that point.
That was a year ago, and yet the memory of the final goodbye was deep-rooted in her mind like a Shepherd’s tree. She recalls that moment in time as if it were a movie scene, except in this movie, there wasn’t a happily ever after. It occasionally runs through her mind when she drives past what once was their neighborhood.
As she wipes away a warm tear from her cheek, she reflects and wonders: If the tears still fill her eyes with that memory alone, does that mean she hasn’t healed? Should she even open herself to the possibility of somebody new? Somebody that has the potential to hurt her?
Self-doubt can be a bitch to quiet down when it only echoes negativity. It echoes in a valley where climbing out seems impossible.
But modern medicine does wonders to help manage the entangled thoughts. She takes a deep breath and remembers that life did not start with him, much less end with him.
She is grateful to not have to carry the heavy baggage of what was a mirage of a marriage. She learned the hard way that love does not exist in the dark. Love lives where there is sunlight. Sunlight to grow the blooms of self-love. The self-love she grows within her.
Deep within her soul, there is a dark room that has a closed door. In that room are the 12 years of memories that ranged from laughter to tears. That door will remain closed, locked with no entry, so she can open the doors that lie ahead.